timing is everything!

When I write my posts I really try to focus on the positive outcomes of each situation. Right now and this past week my heart has hurt. Finding out who I am has been something I have needed for a really long time. It is something that I am so grateful that I have found. It is also something that makes the truth more real. Until my DNA results came back on Ancestry there was still hope in my heart that maybe somehow the original test was wrong. It has brought up emotions that I never thought I would have.

One of the first things I thought when my ancestry results came back was how much I miss my little boy. I wish I could literally just hug him and tell him that everything in his life will be ok. I wish that I could see him and play with him. I hope he never has to feel the hurt I have felt. I simply want him to know that I love him with all my heart. He has so many people that love and care about him.

It is coming up on ten years since the adoption and you would think this process would get easier. For me, it has only gotten harder. Finding out my story and were I belong has brought up so many emotions. Good, bad, sad, happy, you name it, I have felt it.

The next thought I have is how I blessed I am to have gained so many family members over the years who I have now learned are not blood, but they have inspired, loved, and supported me as I have gone on this journey. I can't imagine this family not being a part of my life. I love them and no matter what they are my family. I had one Aunt tell me a couple days ago, "family is not blood" How true is that? I am eternally grateful for them.

I have been able to have a better relationship with my mom. I'm grateful for her and the sacrifices she's made for her kids. She's always worked hard and has done what was best for us. She has high expectations and wants us to succeed. I sit back and think how easy it would have been to literally hate her and never talk to her again, but that is not what we are on this earth to do. Plus, who am I to judge her faults?! She is the perfect mom for me and the perfect Grandma for my boys!

I also want to state that I did not go on this journey to find my biological dad to replace the two wonderful dad's I have been blessed with. I went on this journey to simply find out who I am. To be completely honest I tried to avoid going on this journey for as long as I could until I finally said "ok, it's time!" I got a deal on a DNA test through ancestry and I couldn't pass it up. I firmly believe it was a gift from god. There is no doubt he has had hands in this whole process.

Last, but certainly not least! I have gained an amazing family. It is a dream come true, I have talked to many family members who have been nothing but warm and welcoming. I am SO grateful for them and their love and support already. They have truly been a blessing in my life. God knew what I needed and my gosh, he gave me them.

In life, we all make mistakes or do things that we look back on and say dang, I wish I wouldn't have done that. We are who we are because of those things. We are stronger because we have endured things we never thought possible. I am a strong believer that everything that we go through in life happens for a reason. We may not ever know the reason and it might not be the outcome we want, but because we went through it, good or bad, there is a blessing to be received.

My blessings are coming in multitudes. Again I am so grateful the for the Lord's plan and the gift of faith. Without him I would be lost. I know I will continue to have good and bad days. Easy and hard days. I also know that I have gained so many amazing friends & family going through this experience. It has strengthened relationships that probably would not have been. It has made me realize that family is the ABSOLUTE most important thing in life (blood or not). It has helped me to forgive and love. It has helped me realize and truly see that EVERYTHING in this life happens for a reason!

Next time you feel like you're all alone, just remember there is an army of people who love and care about you. Never forget that you are not alone.

CYH -

Chelsea