Grieving & Adoption?

Grieving and adoption? Do those two things really go hand and hand?

After the placing I went directly to the courthouse, sat in a little room with an attorney and listened to her explain what was going to take place. It was a very bittersweet moment. We walked in to this ginormous court room and the judge asked me a few questions. Basically these: "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" "Once you do this you will not be able to go back," she said. Once she was done talking I told her I was sure that I wanted to follow through. I confirmed that I understood I could not go back and undo what was about to happen. I remember the judge telling me how brave of a person I was and that she admired my courage. I told her "Thank you" and I signed the papers. She dismissed us from court and that was it.

I remember being extremely calm. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was peaceful to have that feeling after such a life changing event.

Jason, my counselor told me a couple days after that I would go through a process that is similar to losing a child to death. I will grieve the loss of not having my child. I honestly thought he was crazy.

Right before I went into labor a good friend of mine passed away. She was truly an inspiration in my life and I will forever miss her. I tell you this because as the days went on, I started to feel pain in my heart. My dear friend's Mom had invited me to come over and visit with her for a little bit. I agreed to go and we talked about my Friend and then my placing. She told me that it was okay to grieve. She told me that what I had just done was so selfless, and the emotions I was holding in needed to come out. She told me that no matter what the situation was, death or adoption, that person was no longer there. I miss my dear friend very much, but will forever be grateful for the beautiful blessing she was in my life and the amazing example she and her family were to me. I was grateful that a mother grieving the loss of her child because of death was telling me to grieve.

Although all these people told me it was OK, I never actually went through this process until many years later as I started to figure out my own adoption story. Sure my heart was hurting, but I was able to make myself stay busy so I didn't think about it.

If there is anything I could say about placing a baby for adoption it would be this: DO NOT hold onto your emotions. Do not think that because what you are doing is a choice, you have no right to feel the pain of a broken heart, because you do!! You have every single right to grieve and hurt. Reach out to someone you trust and talk to them. Go see a counselor who can help you go through that process and adjust to your new normal.

Remember the hurt you are going through is also something that Jesus Christ has experienced. Lean on him for support. He will guide you and lift you up. Remember that he is standing next you and he is your biggest fan. Consider yourself hugged every single moment and always know you are not alone.

- Chelsea