Adoption!

Adoption! What is adoption? Why do people choose this option? How could you place your baby? What were you thinking? These are all questions I have had to answer.

What is Adoption?

There are many different definitions of adoption, I have two different versions. The first is a precious baby being placed into the arms of a loving mother and father. The second is an unselfish significant other stepping up and adopting the child and taking him/her on as their own when the mom/dad are not in the picture.

Why do people choose this option?

I can only talk in my own behalf and say this, I wanted my little baby to have a mom and dad that were happy. I did not want him to go from one home to another. I wanted him to have stability. At the time, baby D's dad and I felt that this was the best option.

How could you "give up" your baby?

The term "give up" is something that is not used in the adoption world. There is no giving up. I did not give up anything. Giving up would mean that I no longer think about him or no longer care or have feelings for. Giving up would mean that I just left him. So instead of saying "give up" we say "placed". I placed my baby for adoption. I placed him with a family who was stable and was able to give him more than I could at the time. I placed him with an amazing family who promised to give him the world. "Place" is much more pleasant word than giving up.

What were you thinking?

People would often come up to me and ask this question and then follow up with "That is so selfish and the easy way out". This was by far not the easy way out. This was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. At the time, I was thinking only about my baby. I wanted what was best for him. I wanted him to be happy, healthy and live a life full of adventure. Choosing adoption, not only impacts my life but many other peoples lives.

Adoption is not perfect. It's actually far from it. My adoption story was not like most, it was an open adoption, which means that I have contact with him and the parents. At the beginning there were no restrictions or boundaries. It was the BEST situation you could ever imagine. (that is a post for another day)

January 2007:

My whole world was about to turn upside down. I found out I was pregnant. I wasn't married and there was no way my parents were going to ever approve the situation. See, the birth-dad was much older than I was. When we found out I was pregnant there were so many emotions, anything from excitement to sadness. It was a bittersweet moment for sure. I knew one thing for certain: I was going to be a mom. He was going to be a dad. Never once did adoption ever cross my mind. All I thought about was how I got myself into this situation so I must own up to the consequences of my actions. I was fully prepared to do so. I had to grow up, work hard and prepare.

I tried hiding my pregnancy from my parents for as long as I could, which was not very long at all because I was so sick. I would throw up after I ate anything spicy. My parents confronted me and I couldn't deny it. That was the first time the word adoption had been brought up. At that time, adoption was not an option.

My mom had mentioned that I go to a support group that LDS family services had at the time. I agreed and made it very clear on the first visit that I was keeping my baby. There was no doubt. But something happened that first night. Something I will never forget. There was so much love in one little room my heart could have burst. These ladies and gentlemen were so sincere. They wanted what was best for every single girl that went through this group. They supported us no matter what our decision was.

Group! I looked forward to every Tuesday night. These leaders provided us the tools we needed for any decision we were going to make. We learned how to budget, what we needed in our bags for the hospital, they had people come in and share their personal stories with us. It was beautiful. We then separated and went into different rooms the birth - moms in one room and the birth grandparents in another. We spent hours upon hours talking, teaching and most importantly loving each other. After that first night I remember going to my car and being so confused on what I should really do.

I would pray to God and just ask him to please direct me down the right path. At first my prayers were very vague. Heavenly Father what should I do? Is keeping or placing the right thing? I never felt like I got an answer. Finally a couple weeks after going to group I decided to call the birth - dad and let him know that I felt adoption was the best option for this baby. He told me he did not feel the same way and we would need to figure out what to do. (this is all happening within the first 5 months of being pregnant)

One day I was driving home and I just broke down, tears streaming down my face and I just started talking to God. I was very specific and asked him if adoption was the right thing? If it was, please give me some kind of clarification that this is right, I asked. Within minutes I got a phone call. It was the dad - (who at this time was now married to a former girlfriend) he said, "Ya know, maybe adoption is the right thing." I was devastated. I did not want that to be the answer. Selfishly I wanted to keep my baby. I was angry at myself for getting to that level with God. All I wanted to do was question him and ask why?

It wasn't too long after that I felt a sense of peace. Everything was going to be okay. God had a plan and I needed to follow His lead. He gave me my answer and I needed to move forward. So forward I went. I called my counselor (Jason) at LDS family services and I told him adoption was the path I wanted to go on and he helped get my family profiles and the church link for adoptions. Within hours I had narrowed my search to TWO amazing families. The first family lived in Nebraska and then other lived in Idaho (two hours from where I lived).

On April 20, 2007 I emailed both families and asked them just simple questions. I got replies back from both right away and just from the answers I felt that the Idaho family was the right family. We exchanged personal emails and started to communicate back and forth. On May 6th, 2007 I knew that I had to tell this family that they were it. I sent the mom an email and told her exactly how I felt. We met for the first time on June 3rd. There was a connection like I've never felt before. It was so reassuring to have this feeling of peace.

After we met I started having doubts. I knew that adoption was the right think but I really didn't want that to be the answer. I said another very specific prayer asking Heavenly Father if adoption was the right thing. Within an hour I got an unexpected phone call from the birth-dads wife. She told me that he had signed his rights. I remember just hanging up the phone in shock. I could not believe what I had just heard. That was my last hope to keeping my baby. I knew if the answer was adoption then God had guided me down that path and I need to trust him, and trusting I did!

October 1st 2007: I will never forget sitting at my little sister's Volleyball game and having contractions. I still had 2 weeks before my due date. I sat all the way through her game, went to Walmart with my mom (I had to stop every 5 minutes because the contractions were so strong) but I made it home. All of my contractions were in my back. It was so painful. At around 10 pm I called the hospital and just let them know what I was feeling and they told me that it was Braxton Hicks and they should go away soon. The contractions got more frequent and an hour later I woke my mom up and told her we needed to go in.

We called the Idaho family on the way to the hospital and let them know what was going on. They checked me out at the hospital and sure enough Baby D decided to come early. We called the family and they rushed down to Twin. Family D got there with plenty of time left. It was a very long night. 7 hours late Baby D was born. He was the most perfect baby. I had both the mom and the dad in the delivery room. It was such a beautiful blessing to have them both witness the birth of their first child. There was so much hugging, crying, and love in that little room!

It was a shock and blessing that baby D was born on October 2, 2007. The family stayed with us all day. We had many visitors and so much support. I was so confident that my decision was right. There was no doubt after seeing how much joy and happiness this sweet family had.

October 3rd was supposed to be Placement Day, but it was my moms 40th birthday and I could not place baby D for adoption. I asked Jason, my counselor if we could take him home for the night. He said YES and quickly called the parents to let them know the new plan. We were released from the hospital and went home to spend time with family. I kept my distance and let my family enjoy their time with little baby D. He was such a good little baby. I felt so much heartache as I watched my family love on this baby.

October 4th 2007: PLACEMENT DAY! One of the best / worst days of my whole life. As I was getting ready that morning, I decided I would sit down and type a letter to baby D and let him know that I loved him very much and he has so many biological family members that adore him. He will forever be loved by us and that we would always be here for him. I started to doubt what I was doing and at any moment if anybody would have asked me if I was sure, I would have said no. I would have changed my mind and I would have kept my baby. The doubt got stronger and stronger so I prayed for comfort and peace in my decision. I asked to please send me a message that what I was about to do what the right thing. You would never believe what happened next...

I got a phone call! Another phone call after a very specific prayer, honestly I did not want to answer. I felt like the phone rang forever, so finally I answered. The person on the other line was a very close and dear family friend. I remember just sobbing and her sweet message was this : "Chelsea, Satan is going to tempt you so strongly right now. He is going to make you feel like this is not the right thing to do. Just remember, you have received your answer and you have felt peace. You know what is right and you will be able to do the right thing." I instantly felt peace and knew she was exactly right. I will forever be grateful for this phone call and this person.

Everybody got ready and we headed to to LDS family services. My whole family was there plus Jason and another dear friend from group/church, Christa. It was such a blessing to have all of these people with me on this very emotional day. We as a family were in a room and got to say our goodbyes to this precious little baby. Jason came in and I told him I was ready. I got a few minutes by myself with my little boy and just cried. I fed him one last time! I changed his diaper one last time! I held him and kissed his face one last time as my baby boy! When Jason came in to check on me, I told him I was ready. He doubled checked to make sure and I confirmed.

The Family came into the room and sat down next to me. I kissed my baby boy one last time and as tears were streaming down my face I placed him into the arms of his mom!